Monday, September 19, 2011

Divorce and Kids

by Aleta Kay

You have become unhappy in your marriage. There are huge financial struggles and each of you blames the other. It seems that you argue all the time and you no longer feel the love you once did. Would divorce be a good solution? At least the kids wouldn’t hear the arguing anymore. If there is violence, you think divorce would be better for them. Let’s look at it from a child’s perspective.
My parents had violent fights. Once I watched my father chase my mother around the table with a knife. I was three years old. I still remember the skirt my mother was wearing. As an adult I was afraid of big men. My father was a big man. My parents divorced while I was still young. I will soon be fifty-nine years old and I still can’t stand to hear anyone argue. I can’t watch movies or TV shows about family violence. My mother was a rage-aholic and would sometimes go on three-day rampages, then she would apologize, feel guilty, and eventually revert to that rage again. I struggle with many issues today because of all that violence. The divorce did not erase the scars.
We have a nephew who saw such arguments (without the violence) in his house, with Christian parents (and I believe his parents did and do love God but could not get along) whose every argument left the kids wondering if this would be the one that would split up their parents. Today he doesn’t want to hear anything about God, thinks Christianity is a big lie, and wants nothing to do with his mother, who can’t even hear his dad’s name without starting a tirade of criticism. His oldest sister got married and is somewhat happy with her life. The younger sister seems to have developed her own brand of religion and has a lot of doubts about who God is and just how powerful he really is.
Wouldn’t it be better to get marriage counseling and try to work through the problems? If you don’t work through them, you just carry them with you into the next relationship and your kids learn that love is temporary and relationships are expendable. If you work through it and ask God to put the love back in your marriage, you will find a relationship on the other side that is far beyond your wildest imagination. If you have questions e-mail me at I’ll be happy to help.

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