Monday, April 30, 2012

The Picture Of True Love
By Aleta Kay

          I was appalled to hear on the news the other day that the divorce rate among couples aged fifty and older has drastically increased. I have to ask myself why. My husband and I have just entered our sixties and we’re very happy together. So what’s wrong with these other couples?
          The news media interviewed a man who had gotten divorced within the last five years (he and his wife were in their fifties) and a woman, now in her late fifties or early sixties who had been divorced also within the last five years. Both of them said they had the freedom now to follow their dreams, to do what they want to do. They were amazed at how free they felt. How sad it seems to me that they have to experience this alone.
          Marriage is not supposed to be stifling. Yes, there are responsibilities, and sometimes extremely frustrating. Yes, when raising a family, you may have to put your dreams on hold, but one person should never deny the other the opportunity to fulfill their dreams. Before a couple ever gets married they should discuss their dreams, make plans to allow those dreams to be fulfilled at some point in their lives. Decide from the start which career path should be given first choice if college or career training will happen during the marriage. If one partner has a job or career that may involve travel it needs to be determined ahead of time if the other person can handle separation or relocation.
          If these changes take place after a couple is married there needs to be a lot of open communication. Ask questions. If you don’t know the answers find them. Get all the information you can. I believe the Bible teaches that, since the husband is the head of the household and accountable to God for that position, the wife should always follow her husband’s lead. It isn’t always easy. Pride and our own will can be very difficult to suppress or deny. Relationships require sacrifice. Why should the wife be the one to sacrifice if necessary? Because Eve was deceived, duped, misled into eating the forbidden fruit. She was the one willing to experiment with things outside of God’s rules. Adam sinned deliberately. Thus the wife is to be under the husband’s protection and guidance. If he makes a mistake or doesn’t do it right, God holds him accountable. Now if the wife rebels and demands her own way, God will hold her accountable because she has again chosen to ignore God. She is again being deceived by her own will into doing what is wrong. It is possible to do the right thing for the wrong reason. There is never a right reason to disobey God.
          On the other hand, we live near my husband’s parents. I have the best in-laws in the world. They are a treasure to me. They are in their eighties and not as healthy as they once were. My father-in-law, Dewayne, has been an amputee for over forty years. His stump gives him a lot of pain and he has to have a new prosthesis made every few years. He is on a lot of medication and can no longer walk upright. He uses a cane or a walker even when he has his artificial leg on. My mother-in-law is much smaller than he, and she has to help him in and out of their vehicle when they have doctor appointments or if they go out to eat. She has to help him get dressed, put his leg on, etc. She sometimes suffers from vertigo, hypoglycemia, and other things. She doesn’t always feel like taking care of him. But she does it. Sometimes it wears her down, and although she may complain occasionally, she wouldn’t trade him in for anything. She has no desire to dump him. She is not in a hurry for him to die. When he has a sleepless night, so does she. She is the picture of love for him. She considers herself blessed. He is blessed to have such a faithful and loving wife. She is my role model.

Monday, April 16, 2012

What Kind Of Mother Am I?

By Aleta Kay

          Maybe you’re asking yourself this question. Maybe you’ve abandoned your child or children. Maybe you’ve had an abortion. Maybe your child or children died in a fire due to your negligence. Let me assure you: God is not condemning you. God loves you and He loves your child or children.
          I know the guilt trip and lies Satan plays out in your head: “They’re better off without you. You’re a reprobate. You’re no good. You’ll never be any good. No one loves you. No one cares.” Every single one of those statements are lies straight out of the pits of hell.
          I don’t know what you are going through. I won’t pretend I do. But I serve a God who is full of love and compassion. My God wrote in His Word: “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9.
          God does not consider you as being any worse than any other sinner (and we are ALL sinners.) Romans 3:10 says there is none righteous, no not one. We are all guilty before God. The GREAT NEWS is that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Your debt, your penalty has already been paid. You can’t earn it (no one can). It is free for all who will believe that Jesus is God the Son, that he was crucified on a cruel cross to pay for our sins, that he died, was buried and rose again on the third day. What’s more, he promised that some day he would come back and take his bride, those who have put their faith and trust in him, out of this world and to heaven, so we can live with him forever.
          God can change your life. He can give you victory over addictions. He can clean you up and make you whole. It isn’t easy. But it is possible. And if you mess up, fall back to your old ways, he is loving and patient and will help you up again as long as you are willing to let him. Romans 8:1 says there is therefore now NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. If you want more information e-mail me at I’ll be happy to help you and, of course, everything is confidential. You don’t even have to use your real name. Just put “blog” in the subject line so I’ll know it’s important. God bless you.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Are You An Enabler To Your Children?
By Aleta Kay

It seems there are a lot of parents today who are doing serious harm to their children. They buy their teens alcohol, drugs, (or give them the money to purchase them), support them up into their adult lives while letting them live at home. These parents don’t encourage their children to get jobs. They don’t teach them any moral values. They just coddle them. This is negative narcissism.
Every animal at some point kicks its young out of the nest and expects their young to be able to fend for themselves. We are humans. We are higher than the animals (according to God’s word and contrary to popular opinion).
Parents are responsible for teaching their children moral values, a work ethic, making sure they get an education, and preparing them for an adult life that will enable that adult child to be a PRODUCTIVE member of society. They should one day be able to marry, have a family of their own, and live by their own resources.
I realize there are some children who are born with handicaps that may preclude them from independence as an adult. That is a totally different subject. My heart goes out to those parents who have suffered the heartbreak of knowing their children will never be able to be independent. Yet, I have a great deal of admiration for them. They know how to cope with heartbreak and disappointment, and the parents I have known of such children seem to have a much greater capacity for patience, endurance, understanding and love than the average parent of children who will, one day, be able to be independent.
The parents I am talking about today are those who coddle their children and make them emotional and intellectual cripples. When you are selfish enough to keep an adult child dependent on you, regardless of the reason, you are setting them up for failure. How do you think they will survive after you die? They won’t know how to balance a checkbook, pay bills, manage their money, find and hold a job. Who would marry someone who doesn’t know how to be an adult? You are setting that child up for a miserable life after you are gone.
You need to get a life of your own, and teach your grown child to be an adult (if it isn’t too late), and cut the apron strings when he or she is able to manage. Don’t expect the rest of society to take of your adult son or daughter because you didn’t want to let go. It isn’t fair to anyone.
If you are allowing your teens to drink and/or do drugs, or are supplying the money, remember the law will hold you guilty. You are aiding and abetting. This is a felony punishable by jail time. The state can take your children and put them in foster care—regardless of their ages, as long as they are not out of high school or under the age of eighteen. You are teaching your children that it is okay for them to harm themselves. You may as well give them a gun and tell them to shoot themselves: same effect. The only difference is a gun would be faster. (I am not advocating murder or suicide here. I’m trying to make a point.)
If you are teaching your kids to be bullies, or are overlooking their anger issues, be aware that you are teaching them to be abusive adults. You are teaching them that they do not have to exercise self-control. You are teaching them that assault and battery (considered crimes by our penal code) are okay. You are teaching them that the laws of the land don’t apply to them. If they get arrested, remember you put them there by teaching them they can do whatever they want to whomever they want.
The bottom line is: are you a parent or a buddy? Do you really love your children? The Bible says a loving parent will discipline their children (Proverbs 22:6; Proverbs 19:18; and Proverbs 22:15.  I know that our laws today are against spanking. Check with your local police station and see what the law is in your area. Where I live spanking is allowed as long as you don’t leave marks or bruises. Proper spanking will not leave marks. But there are other methods of discipline. However, if you’ve never disciplined your children before it may be too late to start now. It depends on their ages and level of maturity.

Monday, April 9, 2012

What Do You Look For In A Church?
By Aleta Kay

          Most churches have a set of bylaws and a statement of faith. Usually, upon baptism, statement of faith, or letter from another church where you were a member, you are asked to read and agree with these bylaws and statement of faith.
          If you have not been asked to do this then you may not need this information.
          I have never been involved in a church in which I have agreed with everything. The things I don’t agree with are my personal convictions or my personal beliefs based on my understanding of scripture.
          There is no such thing as a perfect church, a perfect set of rules, rituals, bylaws, etc. They are all man-made, based on a denominational understanding of scripture. Denominations are created by man, hence there are bound to be differences of opinion or belief.
          I am a member of an Independent Baptist Church because that is the denomination under which I was baptized (after salvation at a Billy Graham movie) and I agree with most of its tenets. I agree with this denomination more than any other. I believe it sticks to scripture more closely than any other denomination.
          There are areas of the bylaws and statement of faith with which I disagree. I will not discuss them with other church members or even with the pastor because they are my personal beliefs and tenets. I am just as capable of being incorrect as anyone else. We are all fallible.
          My point, the reason for this post, is that some church members seem to get upset and ready to leave the church over the issues on which they disagree. If it is not related to salvation and eternal security, as my best friend says, “Chew up the meat and spit out the bones.” Just agree to disagree if you like the church and the people in it. Don’t quibble over things (such as who will be included in the rapture or when the rapture will take place) that will not affect you personally or affect your testimony, your witness. Accept the differences and be at peace with your fellow believers. God is still on the throne and His will will be accomplished regardless of our personal convictions or beliefs. If it doesn’t contradict a command or edict made by God, written in His word, just be at peace with those around you and be happy.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Why Can’t I Shake This Depression?

by Aleta Kay

          Depression is anger turned inward. The first step in overcoming depression is to face whatever you are angry about, or determine with whom you are angry. Many times we are angry with another person and don’t have the courage to face them or confront them about the issue.
          Anger can come over the loss of a job, a dumb choice we made that got us into trouble, an argument over a family situation, or any number of other things. Keeping that anger bottled up inside can create an imbalance in the chemicals in the brain (serotonin and melatonin) that keep our emotions on an even keel. When serotonin is depleted we feel tired, lethargic, not interested in much of anything. We begin to feel hopeless.
          It is important to be COMPLETELY honest with yourself about the anger issue. Let me give a brief illustration.
          I have a friend (I’ll call her Jennifer since I have no friends by that name). She had been sober for a number of years. She was stressed out about her job, and she takes care of a neighbor who, although healthy enough to get up and do most minor things for herself, had become completely dependent on Jennifer to come over and make coffee every morning, fix breakfast, pay her bills, do her laundry, etc. Jennifer had become resentful but not willing to stop enabling her friend. One evening she took a drink, realized she needed fuel in her vehicle and drove to the gas station. She got pulled over for a tail light being out. The officer smelled alcohol on breath, gave her the breathalyzer test and arrested her for DUI. She spent eighteen months in the county jail and lost her job.
          Jennifer got depressed. She said she wasn’t mad at God; she was mad at herself. When she got out of jail she moped around for weeks before filling for unemployment. She is eligible for disability but won’t file because it takes too long for it to go through. She is still enabling her neighbor and still feeling resentful. She won’t go back to church either.
          Jennifer says she is mad at herself. Maybe she is but she is taking it out on God by leaving Him out of her life. Oh, she listens to Christian radio and reads a devotional book occasionally, and her Bible, but none of those are affecting change in her attitude. She is choosing to stay miserable.
          She punishes herself by not eating and not taking the necessary steps to take care of her financial situation. Yes, it is difficult, but not impossible. Jennifer has two choices: she can stay miserable and keep punishing herself and God, or she can choose to get back into living her life for God and do something constructive.
          God saves us for two reasons, and two reasons only: fellowship with Him, and tell others about Him so they know they can choose heaven or hell. Depression keeps us out of fellowship with God, keeps our attention focused on ourselves, and keeps us from spreading the Good News that Jesus loves and wants to save people from their sin.
          Depression, like happiness, is a choice. We all get depressed from time to time but we don’t have to take up permanent residence there.
          The only legitimate reason for depression is loss of a loved one and having no one around for moral support. But even then, God wants us to turn to Him. He’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother. He promised never to leave us or forsake us. If we aren’t close to God, guess who moved?

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Do You Set Yourself Up To Fail?

By Aleta Kay

          You’re an addict: alcohol, drugs, sex, food, etc. You’ve done your time; paid your dues, been through detox, perhaps have been Baker-acted. Yet, when you get back to “life” you find yourself beating your head against the wall as you fight the same demons. You want to change. You want to do what’s right, but you keep falling into the same pit. You feel like giving up. What’s the use?
          That is the problem: giving in to “what’s the use.” The only difference between successful people and losers is this: what does it take to make you quit? Winners never give up. I heard this song when I was in elementary school and it has stuck with me: “High Hopes”
                    Once there was a silly old ram
                    Thought he’d punch a hole in the dam
                    Everyone knows a ram can’t
                    Punch a hole in a dam

                    But he had high hopes
                    He had high hopes
                    He had high apple pie-in-the-sky hopes

                    So any time you’re feelin’ low
                    ‘Stead of lettin’ go just remember that ram
                    And you’ll have high hopes
                    You’ll have high hopes
                    You’ll have high apple pie-in-the-sky hopes

          There’s more to the song but you get the idea. Don’t give yourself excuses to give up. When you fall (as we ALL do), pick yourself up, clean yourself up, ask God to forgive you, then ask Him to help you do better. Feast on the Word of God. Think of the Bible (King James Version) as food for your soul. It’s SOUL FOOD! The reason I say KJV is because it is the only one in the English language that hasn’t been tampered with and altered to please human ego. Read the Psalms, Proverbs, the gospel of John, and the book of Romans.
 Romans chapter 8 is my personal victory chapter. I was addicted to putting myself down. I was addicted to my temper. I was addicted to self-pity and self-loathing. After years of struggle, I am free. Do I still sometimes fall and put myself down? Do I sometimes indulge in self-pity? Yes. I am still human. But now I catch myself (actually the Holy Spirit catches me) and I go back to that chapter and remind myself that I don’t have to be like that anymore. I’m a child of the King! I am a princess (according to Scripture). If God is for me, who can be against me? I’m moving on. How about you?
Hang in there. Keep trying. You can do it! Yes, you can! Don't let the devil win. You are worth every effort you make. Every time you try again you have won a skirmish. That makes you a winner! Every time the devil tells you you're a loser, remind him he's a stupid rebel who got kicked out of heaven. That makes him a loser and pretty stupid for thinking he could beat God. The Bible says he's a liar and the father of all lies. Don't let him win. You're better than that! You will make it, no matter how many tries it takes.

Monday, April 2, 2012

All Things Work Together For Good

by Aleta Kay

          There’s an old story that’s been circulating for quite a while now. I may not remember it exactly but it goes something like this:
          A neighbor stopped by to talk to farmer Joe one day. “Heard your tractor broke down, Joe. I’m sorry to hear it. You need any help?”
          “No, I don’t need any help,” Joe said. “My mule was pulling the tractor and he stumbled and broke his leg.”
          “Oh, that’s too bad,” the neighbor said.
          “No, that’s good,” farmer Joe said. “When the mule broke his leg my boy fell and broke his arm.”
          “Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s too bad, Joe.”
          “No, that’s good,” Joe replied.
          The neighbor scratched his head and said, “I don’t understand. How can you say all that’s good?”
          “Well, it’s like this,” Joe said. “If my mule hadn’t broke his leg, the tractor wouldn’t have broke down. If those two things hadn’t happened my boy wouldn’t have broken his arm. If he hadn’t broken his arm the army would have taken him and he’d be in a war zone now.” All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

          I just lost my job after five years of trying to please the company. Now don’t get me wrong. The company I worked for was great. The benefits were great. They bend over backwards to try to help you succeed at this job. And they do a lot for their employees. But I’m 60 years old and don’t work as fast as I used to. I’m not good at multi-tasking and my memory chip is about full so I don’t memorize as good as I did when I was 20. It was a high-pressure job.
          Some of my co-workers have called and asked if I’m okay. I am thankful for their friendship and support. How am I doing? I’m ECSTATIC!!! I can get out and go for a walk every morning. I have time to speak to my neighbors. I can collect unemployment (at the company’s expense since they have to contribute the money to pay my unemployment benefits) while working at and learning what I have wanted to do all my life—write. I belong to LinkedIn with several writers groups there and am looking forward to finally having the time to read some of the posted information about marketing and promoting your work.
          I have made a schedule for myself to work at my writing and research every day except weekends. If I could keep a schedule at work, I can keep a schedule at home and work at what I love doing—writing. I have already written a children’s story, have an idea for another, and have written 6-8 pages on two novels I’m working on. I have more time to spend with church friends, keeping up with family, and I can tell anyone I want to about Jesus and not have to fear losing my job because of it. I work for the Lord now. Ye-hah!