Are You An Enabler To Your Children?

By Aleta Kay

It seems there are a lot of parents today who are doing serious harm to their children. They buy their teens alcohol, drugs, (or give them the money to purchase them), support them up into their adult lives while letting them live at home. These parents don’t encourage their children to get jobs. They don’t teach them any moral values. They just coddle them. This is negative narcissism.

Every animal at some point kicks its young out of the nest and expects their young to be able to fend for themselves. We are humans. We are higher than the animals (according to God’s word and contrary to popular opinion).

Parents are responsible for teaching their children moral values, a work ethic, making sure they get an education, and preparing them for an adult life that will enable that adult child to be a PRODUCTIVE member of society. They should one day be able to marry, have a family of their own, and live by their own resources.

I realize there are some children who are born with handicaps that may preclude them from independence as an adult. That is a totally different subject. My heart goes out to those parents who have suffered the heartbreak of knowing their children will never be able to be independent. Yet, I have a great deal of admiration for them. They know how to cope with heartbreak and disappointment, and the parents I have known of such children seem to have a much greater capacity for patience, endurance, understanding and love than the average parent of children who will, one day, be able to be independent.

The parents I am talking about today are those who coddle their children and make them emotional and intellectual cripples. When you are selfish enough to keep an adult child dependent on you, regardless of the reason, you are setting them up for failure. How do you think they will survive after you die? They won’t know how to balance a checkbook, pay bills, manage their money, find and hold a job. Who would marry someone who doesn’t know how to be an adult? You are setting that child up for a miserable life after you are gone.

You need to get a life of your own, and teach your grown child to be an adult (if it isn’t too late), and cut the apron strings when he or she is able to manage. Don’t expect the rest of society to take of your adult son or daughter because you didn’t want to let go. It isn’t fair to anyone.

If you are allowing your teens to drink and/or do drugs, or are supplying the money, remember the law will hold you guilty. You are aiding and abetting. This is a felony punishable by jail time. The state can take your children and put them in foster care—regardless of their ages, as long as they are not out of high school or under the age of eighteen. You are teaching your children that it is okay for them to harm themselves. You may as well give them a gun and tell them to shoot themselves: same effect. The only difference is a gun would be faster. (I am not advocating murder or suicide here. I’m trying to make a point.)

If you are teaching your kids to be bullies, or are overlooking their anger issues, be aware that you are teaching them to be abusive adults. You are teaching them that they do not have to exercise self-control. You are teaching them that assault and battery (considered crimes by our penal code) are okay. You are teaching them that the laws of the land don’t apply to them. If they get arrested, remember you put them there by teaching them they can do whatever they want to whomever they want.

The bottom line is: are you a parent or a buddy? Do you really love your children? The Bible says a loving parent will discipline their children (Proverbs 22:6; Proverbs 19:18; and Proverbs 22:15.  I know that our laws today are against spanking. Check with your local police station and see what the law is in your area. Where I live spanking is allowed as long as you don’t leave marks or bruises. Proper spanking will not leave marks. But there are other methods of discipline. However, if you’ve never disciplined your children before it may be too late to start now. It depends on their ages and level of maturity.