By Aleta Dye
It was post-Army 1980. Tom had been out of the army about six months. We had just moved into our brand new mobile home and were getting things situated. It was a late night and we were all tired, and I was yelling at the kids. Tom was upset with my yelling and went outside. When he came back in he yelled at me for the first time in our eight or nine years of marriage and said, “I don’t love you anymore! I don’t care if you stay or if you go. All you are is a convenience to me: someone to wash my clothes, take care of the kids and put food on the table. If you want to leave, go, but you’re not taking the kids. I won’t have them raised by your constant nagging and complaining. If you stay you’ll have a roof over your head, a place to sleep and clothes to wear. Beyond that, don’t expect anything from me.”
I could have crawled into a shell and felt sorry for myself. I could have tucked my tail and quit, and found another place to live. But I knew he didn’t wake up one morning and decide he didn’t want to love me anymore. What had I done to create or contribute to this problem? I went to my room and began to cry and weep and pray. I asked God to show me what I had done.
He had a long list of things I had done. Tom was right: I had been a whining, nagging, complaining woman. I had been self-centered, hard to please, and very negative. In response, he had turned his feelings off toward me. It was easier to do that than put up with a woman he couldn’t please. I had hurt him badly for years. He had tried to tell me earlier in our marriage how he felt and I would change for a while, but revert right back to my old ways. Would I be able to undo the damage I had done? Find out next blog.