My Apologies

Most of my subjects are situations abut which I care deeply. I care about marriage and children. I care about families whose members don't speak to each other, usually over some slight, or jealousy, or something you have not forgiven. It is sometimes hard for me to tell how my messages come across. Often we expect more of others than we ourselves are willing to give. Sometimes we become so accustomed to our own values that we impose them on others with a judgmental or critical attitude. IF I HAVE EVER MADE ANY OF YOU, MY READERS, FEEL THAT I AM SITTING IN JUDGMENT, OR AM BEING CRITICAL, PLEASE FORGIVE ME. IT IS NEVER MY INTENTION TO BE EITHER.

We Christians (and church-goers in general) hear scripture so much, and hopefully, read it so much ourselves, that we become callous to the sufferings of others. Sometimes we get on our spiritual pedestals and look down on others who don't seem to have it all together—especially if they are fellow Christians or church members.

If you are a church-goer or a Christian, going through an emotional trial, depression, guilt, feeling condemned, blaming others to avoid truth-- if you are struggling with discouragement or doubt, remember God loves you. He still has a plan for you. Jesus urges us to cast our burdens on Him. That means He knows we have burdens. It didn't take Him by surprise. Jesus was depressed in the garden just before He was arrested. He sweated great drops of blood. He begged God the Father to make another way of salvation. He didn't want to go through with the crucifixion; yet He humbled Himself and accepted His fate. He understands what you are going through. That's why He could say through the apostle Paul in I Co 10:13,  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

We are all human, and subject to making grave errors in judgment that can ruin our lives, or devastate relationships, and even sometimes, cause us to turn away from God. But God never stops loving you. Proverbs 3:5  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Verse 6 says, "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths". When we mess up, when we get caught in a web of lives that robs us of our joy and causes us extreme mental anguish, when we worry and fret while still clinging to our faith (even if by a thin thread), God is just waiting for us to admit what we have done, or confess that our faith is perhaps not as strong as we think it should be; if we have held bitterness, anger, or hatred in our hearts toward another, God just wants us to confess it and ask His forgiveness. Once we do that, He can begin the healing process.

Many church people and preachers believe it is a sin to get psychological help. We hear them say to just read the Bible and pray; trust God. Yes, perhaps that should be enough, but in our human frailty, when we separate ourselves from God and/or others, sometimes it takes someone (preferably a like-minded Christian) to help us get back on the right track. There is no shame in seeking Christian professional help.

If any of this applies to you or your situation, please seek Christian counseling. Don't let finances rob you of getting the help you need. Ask God to help you in that area as well. Perhaps the counselor/counseling facility would be willing to set up a payment plan based on your finances. Trust God to provide the help you need. Read Jeremiah 29:11, Psalms 34:7 and Psalms 37:4. Read John 3:16 again. Also, read the eighth chapter of Romans. There is strength and help available. Don't be afraid or ashamed of needing help. You can start with online prayer support: www.christianprayercenter.com or www.findchristiancounselor.com. If you have any difficulties please let me know. I care.

No One Else's Business Part 2

Jonah is an interesting character in the Bible. God told him to go to Nineveh and preach the gospel to them. He was to tell them that if they did not repent they would be destroyed. Jonah did not want to go to Nineveh. There has been much speculation over the centuries as to why he didn't want to go; the bottom line is he fled. He tried to escape from God's will.

The first thing Jonah did was go to the coast and pay his fare to get on a ship heading in the opposite direction. When he got on board the ship he found a place to sleep. Often when people are depressed or angry, they go to sleep to try to forget what's bothering them. Men seem to be especially prone to do this. It's a way of tuning out the voices they don't want to hear.

When the ship was well underway a storm came up and battered the ship to the point the sailors feared for their lives. None of them were Christians (at that time people belonging to God; Christ hadn't been born yet) and they cried out to their gods—to no avail. The winds and waves grew worse. They began throwing things overboard to lighten the weight of the ship, hoping it would not sink. Still, the storm grew worse. In desperation, they cast lots to see who was to blame for this storm. The gods must surely be angry with someone.

The lot fell on Jonah. The captain of the ship went to Jonah and woke him up. "What have you done to make your god so angry? It is your fault we are having this storm and fear for our lives. Who are you? Where do you come from?"

Jonah admitted that he was running from God and it was indeed his fault that they were in danger of shipwreck. He told the captain to throw him overboard and the sea would calm down and they would make it safely to shore. The crew continued to try other things first, not wanting to throw a man over. Finally, they did. Scripture says God prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. I have no problem believing this. If you research the measurements of the great blue whale or the beluga, you will see that it would be quite capable of swallowing a man.

So you see, first Jonah's actions impacted the plight of the other people on the ship. Second, it interfered with the normal diet of the "fish" (today we think it was a whale). It took the whale out of his normal routine to approach a man and swallow him. Jonah was inside the whale for three days and nights. Can you imagine the indigestion of the whale? Let's face it: a sour attitude affects everyone around us. Finally, God told the fish to spit Jonah out on dry land. Again, the whale (fish) had to go outside its normal habitat to get close enough to spit out this sour, unpleasant character. The creature vomited Jonah out onto dry land (near Nineveh, where he was supposed to be in the first place). Jonah's sin made the fish (whale) sick to its stomach.

How does your attitude and character affect the people around you?

What I Do I No One's Business! Part 1

What we do affects not just ourselves, but many others as well. Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, blew it! He turned away from God in his old age and set up idols and worship centers for his 1,000 wives and concubines, turning his heart away from the one true God. You can read about him in I Kings 11:1-8. God tells His children that He is a jealous God (see the first commandment in Exodus chapter 20) and will tolerate worship of false gods. Who can save us and forgive our sins but the one true God? Who alone is able to deliver us from our enemies, heal our diseases, give us peace and joy, comfort us in sorrow? Only the one true God. He created us and has every right to demand our sole worship and our soul worship.

1Ki 11:9  And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice,

1Ki 11:10  And had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods: but he kept not that which the LORD commanded.

1Ki 11:11  Wherefore the LORD said unto Solomon, Forasmuch as this is done of thee, and thou hast not kept my covenant and my statutes, which I have commanded thee, I will surely rend the kingdom from thee, and will give it to thy servant.

1Ki 11:12  Notwithstanding in thy days I will not do it for David thy father's sake: but I will rend it out of the hand of thy son.

1Ki 11:13  Howbeit I will not rend away all the kingdom; but will give one tribe to thy son for David my servant's sake, and for Jerusalem's sake which I have chosen.

1Ki 11:14  And the LORD stirred up an adversary unto Solomon, Hadad the Edomite: he was of the king's seed in Edom.

      Not only did Solomon's rebellion against God cause trouble in his son's life, but God would hold Solomon accountable for not teaching his wives to love the one true God. All 1,000 of them ended up in hell because of Solomon's faithlessness. He had been the wealthiest man on earth. God had truly blessed him far beyond anyone who had ever lived and he turned his back on the One who gave him everything.

If you are not a Christian (someone who has acknowledged before God that you are a sinner, have asked God to forgive you of your sins, thanked Him for taking your punishment on the cross and rising from the dead so He could give you eternal life, and asking Him to be Lord of your life), please give your heart and life to Him. You won't be sorry. Yes, you will still have problems, but now you will have a Heavenly Father and Savior who will help you through those problems. He'll be on your side. Things may not always turn out the way you think they should, but they will always work out for your best. See Romans 8:28. Verses for salvation: John 3:3-16; Romans 3:10, 23; Romans 6:23; Romans 10:9, 10; Ephesians 2:8, 9. It is not a prayer that saves you, but the shed blood of Christ and His resurrection. Hebrews 9:22.

Are You Lying To Yourself?

Do you suffer from alcoholism or drug addiction? Do you tell yourself you can't help it? Social workers tell you that you have a disease. It's a lie. The only people who can't help it are the children born with alcohol fetal syndrome or born addicted to drugs because their mother drank or took drugs while she was pregnant. Diseases are not caused by the things we ingest (unless it has to do with prescription drugs that cause other problems, or things added to our foods). Diseases are caused by free radicals that our bodies react to. We are born with cancer cells but most of us are healthy enough for our bodies to fight them and so they don't develop.

God loves the alcoholic. He loves the drug addict. He loves you too much to leave you that way. That's why He has led people to develop programs and sponsors to help you overcome. The whole human race was born with one disease: sin. It is the cancer of the soul. And God made a way to conquer it. He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus, to die for our sins on the cross and to take our penalty. Through His might and His power, we can conquer our sin nature. No, we won't be perfect, but we wont' keep repeating the same sin over and over again.

We have Alcoholics Anonymous, which has weekly meetings where you meet people who are also struggling with addiction, and not just alcohol. You get a sponsor and spiritual guidance to help you find your way out of the morass of grief, sadness, anger, self-loathing, and guilt that keep you down. Some Independent Baptist churches have a program called Reformers Unanimous. It's a study program that uses scripture to help you find the strength you need to overcome. The Assemblies of God church has a program called Teen Challenge, which is really more for teens and young adults (up to age 30, I believe). It's a live-in arrangement with a group of either male or female (depending on your gender) fellow strugglers. There are leaders there who understand the problems you face. There is daily Bible study and they teach job skills to help you make it in life when you leave there. It isn't free but they may be able to find people willing to sponsor your stay while you get clean and learn how to live for God. It is a structured environment and they are compassionate and caring.

But please stop lying to yourself and giving yourself excuses for your life being a mess. You can make it. But you have to admit that you have a problem and you also have a choice. Don't tell yourself you can't help it. With God's help you can. God bless.

Are You a Marshmallow Mom?

You've had the kids with you all day and they have been incessantly whining. "I want a hamburger. I don't want milk. I want...I want...I want..." Then they start begging. "Please. I won't ask for anything else. I promise. Please. I'll clean my room. Please. I promise I'll do my homework if you let me have..."

Do you ever wonder why your kids will listen to a perfect stranger before they listen to you? Do you feel you owe them everything they want? Do you give in because you feel guilty that their dad isn't around? Or are you just trying to make up for the fact that dad doesn't seem to care about them?

We give ourselves many excuses for giving in. We let them wear us down. But what kind of person are you teaching them to be? Whiny kids who are allowed to bribe, wheedle, and cajole will be that kind of adult too. Do you like being manipulated? Because that is exactly what they are doing.

Giving a child everything they want teaches them to be self-centered, self-serving, tyrannical, and impossible to satisfy.

Is it cruel to deny them? No. As a parent, you are responsible to teach your children responsibility and thoughtfulness. You are responsible to teach of them to think of others before themselves. You are responsible to teach them responsibility. Make them earn the things they want (unless it's a special occasion or just a trifling thing like something out of a toy machine.

Learn to use the word NO. Learn to mean it when you say it. If you let your kids wear you down, then you didn't mean no when you said it, and they know it. Kids listen to authority when used consistently. Never threaten your kids. If you say you're going to spank them the next time--then spank them the next time. Don't keep saying you're going to. They won't believe you. Kids learn very early whether or not mom means what she says. Dads say something once. Then they follow through. If you want your kids to respect you, mean what you say; do what you say you will do.

When my kids were little they learned early on that if they begged or whined to get something, the answer was a firm, definite, NO. If they continued to whine and beg there was a spanking waiting. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Be consistent.

Everybody's Doing It!

This message is for every female who feels pressured into having sex outside of marriage. Young people tell each other, "Everyone's doing it." Or "What's wrong with you? If you're still a virgin, you're weird. No one will ever want you." Another lie the devil tells is, "If you don't live with someone first, how will you know your marriage will work?" None of these is true. They are all lies.

There are a vast number of young people today who have made a commitment to keep themselves pure until marriage. What a special gift to give someone: your whole being, just for him or her. To be able to keep yourself free from sin (including oral) until marriage: something you have saved just for that special someone with whom you will spend the rest of your life. What a treasure.

Young ladies, when a teenage boy says he loves you, it's his hormones talking, and all he wants is to satisfy his urgings. Most of the time, once he gets what he wants from you, he dumps you and moves on to the next lovely lady. I know he sounds sincere. But if he really loves you, he will want to wait until marriage too. He will want that night to be special. It's not about a big, fancy wedding. It's not about the wedding gown. It's about the magic of being together for the first time. Make him treat you like the special person you are: make him wait until marriage. If he isn't willing to wait then he just wants to satisfy his urgings and will eventually move on anyway.

If you have already given in, you can tell God you're sorry and make a commitment to God that you will not have sex again until you are married. It won't be easy. Commitments to people are not easy. Commitment to a God we can't see is even harder. But Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." If you make the commitment and break it, start over. As long as you are truly sorry, God is patient and merciful, and forgiving. It's a matter of the heart. God knows your heart. He knows everything about you and loves you. If you have had a hard life and have prostituted yourself, God loves you and is willing to forgive if you but ask Him.

Are You Trapped in Someone Else's Debt?

A young woman contacted me recently with some grave concerns. She had been living with a man who had written some bad checks and forged some money orders that were supposed to pay the rent on their apartment. The money was not spent on the rent and the young lady was quite surprised when the landlord said the rent was in arrears. Rather than see the man go to jail, she agreed to pay his fines. After all, they were friends and housemates.

The young lady (I'll call her Irene) has since started going to church and developing a relationship with her Heavenly Father. Irene feels that the more she pays the housemate's debts (I'll call him Doug), the more wrong he does as he sees no consequence for his actions. She questioned whether or not she should continue to pay the fines.

I gave her some scripture references and advised her to also speak to her pastor and get his advice. I suggested she ask for scripture to back up his position as our decisions should always be based on God's word, not our emotions or what we want.

The scriptures I gave her were: Proverbs 6:1; Proverbs 17:18; Leviticus 27:9, 10; Numbers 30:1, 2; Matthew 5:33 to the end of the chapter; Genesis 31:32; Leviticus 5:4; and Judges 11:34, 35. The first three references deal with the fact that when you agree to bear someone else's financial obligations, be it co-signing for a loan, mortgage, or any other debt, you are trapping yourself into a situation that may be very difficult, if not impossible to get out of.  The remaining verses are about keeping your promises. Your word should be reliable. When you promise something you should really consider all of the ramifications before giving it because it is a reflection of who you are and what you believe. It is a reflection of your character.

Irene did go to her pastor and he gave her a different answer. For more information and guidance go to www.pleasantgrovekjv.com and listen to the sermon "Take Heed and Beware Part 6). I have a great deal of respect for this pastor. I have visited this church. That sermon was not posted online yet this morning. Even though I may disagree with the pastor from time to time, I will never try to influence anyone to go against his teaching and preaching. Just search everything out for yourself. Study the scriptures and pray and seek God's will. He always has the right answer and He always wants the best for you. God bless.