I Wish I Had Kept That

I was in the thrift store today (that's my kind of shopping!) and it was filled to overflowing with Christmas decorations all kinds of wonderful things. As I was leaving I heard a man tell one of the workers, "I can't believe it. So much of this stuff looks like the stuff I brought in. It's so cool. I wish I had kept it."

I wonder if we treat our relationships like that sometimes. I am so bad at keeping in touch with friends, even locally. I misplace phone numbers that were written on pieces of paper. I don't take the few seconds it would take to put it in the computer or an address book so I'd know where to find it. I hate to write letters. I always feel like I'm writing a form letter (which I will do for Christmas this year). People don't feel valued if you don't keep in touch. They feel like a foster child that got left out in the cold, or gets shuffled from one home to another (or from one friend to another).

With all of our modern conveniences, texting, e-mail, blogging, cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, wouldn't you think it would be easier to keep in touch? I don't know about anyone else, but I know I am too easily distracted by all the glitter and toys, the apps, or even just learning to use the silly things, that I neglect people I really care about. The biggest regret of my life is losing friends I have taken for granted. Don't be like me. Tell your friends you appreciate them. Send an e-card or a text message. Call them and ask how their day is going. Make plans for lunch or a girl's night out to see a movie. Plan a hiking trip that won't take all day. Plan a picnic with your friends and their kids. Make the most of your friendships while you still have them.

God bless and have a blessed Thanksgiving. What do you think? Tell me about your experiences. You can use a nickname or just initials, a CB handle, whatever you choose. You can remain anonymous but I'd like to hear from you.

Don't Be A Judge

Most of us tend to be critical of others in some way, at some point in our lives. We don't mean to be cruel or thoughtless; we just are sometimes. We say things in a way that puts someone else down or makes them feel small. Sometimes we don't even realize we are being mean-spirited. Sometimes when we do realize it we excuse ourselves by saying, "Well, I'm only human," or "I can't help it; it's just the way I am."

The Bible tells us in Matthew chapter 7, the first five verses that we are not to judge others because we don't judge ourselves with the same standard. We tend to expect more of others than we do ourselves. It goes on to say that God will judge us by the same standard with which we judge others. We should look at ourselves and see where we need to change, then ask for God's help. 

Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you." You'll be happier if you just accept others for who they are. 

Communication is the Key

We all know relationships can be very difficult. Even with people we are close to and get along with, still, we can get our feelings hurt, take something the wrong way, or jump to conclusions. The holidays are almost upon us. Did you get the invitation you expected? Did you forget to return a phone call, thereby hurting someone else's feelings? Did your brother (or sister, parent, best friend, etc.) really mean what they said? Or did you just take it wrong?

I am one of those people who suffers from hoof and mouth disease. Writing is easy (easier, anyway) because I can think about what I want to say and how it will come across to the hearer. In conversation I don't have that luxury and things often don't come out of  my mouth they way I intend them. I am a professional apologizer.

My three oldest grandchildren live in Tennessee. They have full lives, and apart from birthdays and holidays, probably don't think much about distant grandparents. Their mom has her hands full just keeping up with them and the home business. I don't hear from her nearly as often as I would like and it's easy for me to think that she just doesn't care about my feelings, or that she's upset with me about something, or a dozen other negative things. The truth is, she's probably extremely busy and doesn't have the energy to think about the grandparents several states away. So I'm swallowing my negativity and will send a nice letter and Thanksgiving card to the family. Maybe I'll hear back. It's worth a try and better than writing something that will upset her. What do you think? Leave me a comment.

We Are In A War

This is a hard post to write. We live in a society that wants to embrace everything and call it right. The lines of right and wrong have been blurred by our society and sanctioned by our government under pressure from voters. This is the longest post I have ever written but please read it all the way through. It is for your benefit. God is reaching out to you.

            Let me begin by saying that I do not hate anyone. This post is not to condemn. It is to encourage and exhort those who are blinded by the evil one to turn to righteousness for their very soul's sake. This life is temporary but there is a hereafter. We will not stand before the god of our own making, the god we want to serve with our own rules and values, but the God of the universe, the great I AM.

            Jesus Christ, the only BEGOTTEN Son of God, died on a cruel cross for our sins. We do not get to define sin. God's Holy Word defines sin. We cannot, must not, change God's Word to suit ourselves. Hell is a real place as described in the account of the rich man and Lazarus (Jesus never used real names in His parables) in Luke chapter 16. If we worship a god of our own making our end will be like that of the rich man in this account. A god of our own making is a false god, not Jehovah God.

            The Bible teaches us that homosexuality is one of many sins, but sexual sin of any kind is a stronghold. Pedophiles can't seem to help themselves. Society condemns pedophilia but something has happened in that person's life to cause them to have a twisted view of what love is. In fact, it is lust, not love. Yet, when it was introduced into that person's life, it was most likely under the guise of love. That does not make it right. It is a stronghold.

            Incest is the unnatural love a brother has for a sister, or a sister for a brother, or a parent for a child. It is still a very strong feeling and the enemy coats it in feelings of love (at least on the part of one party) but it is against God's law. It is not natural. Likewise, homosexuality is an unnatural affection. These feelings are very strong, I know. But we must not mock God, nor take His grace for granted. If we are to claim to be His children, we MUST live by His Word.

            Know your enemy. Satan is bidding for your soul. He wants to destroy you. He does not want God to have you. If you are a child of God and have been tempted to, or have been, engaged in a homosexual relationship, for your soul's sake, you MUST put on your spiritual armor as described in Ephesians chapter 6, verses 10 through 18. Your eternal destiny depends on it. Jesus Christ hung on a cruel cross, was tortured prior to that beyond normal human endurance, that He might deliver you. Please, don't be deceived. This kind of love, according to the Word of God, is perversion. Jesus wants to set you free.

      2 Corinthians 6:12-17 says, "2Co 6:12  Ye are not straitened in us, but ye are straitened in your own bowels.

2Co 6:13  Now for a recompence in the same, (I speak as unto my children,) be ye also enlarged.

2Co 6:14  Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

2Co 6:15  And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

2Co 6:16  And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

2Co 6:17  Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,

2Co 6:18  And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

                                                                                                                             

                  Did you catch it? Did you understand it? God is not divided. He cannot be God and Satan. Verse 12 says you are caught in your own trap, not in the truth. You cannot serve yourself and your own fleshly desires and serve God at the same time. (verse 16). Only by walking in the light of God's Word will He be your God, and you His people. He will not receive you if you demand to go your own way, following the lusts of the flesh.

                  Rom 1:18  For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;

Rom 1:19  Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath showed it unto them.

Rom 1:20  For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

Rom 1:21  Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

Rom 1:22  Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,

Rom 1:23  And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.

Rom 1:24  Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

Rom 1:25  Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

Rom 1:26  For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

Rom 1:27  And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

Rom 1:28  And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

Rom 1:29  Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

Rom 1:30  Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

Rom 1:31  Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

Rom 1:32  Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

                  I don't believe these verses need any explanation. It seems pretty clear how God feels about these things and I believe it is clear what sins He is talking about. God can forgive anything (except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit) but forgiveness follows repentence. If we repent of our sins we turn away from them toward God's righteousness. I Peter 1:15, 16 tells us to be holy as He is holy. This life is not about us. It is about Jesus. Why would we want to crucify Him afresh and put Him to an open shame by our lifestyles?

            Heb 6:4  For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,

Heb 6:5  And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,

Heb 6:6  If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

Heb 6:7  For the earth which drinketh in the rain that cometh oft upon it, and bringeth forth herbs meet for them by whom it is dressed, receiveth blessing from God:

Heb 6:8  But that which beareth thorns and briers is rejected, and is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be burned.

Heb 6:9  But, beloved, we are persuaded better things of you, and things that accompany salvation, though we thus speak.

                  I Corinthians 6:9, 10 says, "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

                  Please, please, for your soul's sake and the for the sake of the Savior who loves you, seek His deliverance. I know it will be hard. I know it will hurt. Don't try to figure out why you have these feelings. The why is irrelevant to the cure. It will take diligence on your part. The Bible tells us to die to ourselves daily. You must daily yield yourself to God. You must daily, perhaps several times a day, repent of your unholy feelings and ask God to help you deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Him. You may stumble and fall from time to time but don't give up. Keep renewing your commitment to Christ. You are precious and special in His sight. He knows you and He loves you. When He was on the cross you were on His mind.

The Picture Of True Love

By Aleta Kay

          I was appalled to hear on the news the other day that the divorce rate among couples aged fifty and older has drastically increased. I have to ask myself why. My husband and I have just entered our sixties and we’re very happy together. So what’s wrong with these other couples?

          The news media interviewed a man who had gotten divorced within the last five years (he and his wife were in their fifties) and a woman, now in her late fifties or early sixties who had been divorced also within the last five years. Both of them said they had the freedom now to follow their dreams, to do what they want to do. They were amazed at how free they felt. How sad it seems to me that they have to experience this alone.

          Marriage is not supposed to be stifling. Yes, there are responsibilities, and sometimes extremely frustrating. Yes, when raising a family, you may have to put your dreams on hold, but one person should never deny the other the opportunity to fulfill their dreams. Before a couple ever gets married they should discuss their dreams, make plans to allow those dreams to be fulfilled at some point in their lives. Decide from the start which career path should be given first choice if college or career training will happen during the marriage. If one partner has a job or career that may involve travel it needs to be determined ahead of time if the other person can handle separation or relocation.

          If these changes take place after a couple is married there needs to be a lot of open communication. Ask questions. If you don’t know the answers find them. Get all the information you can. I believe the Bible teaches that, since the husband is the head of the household and accountable to God for that position, the wife should always follow her husband’s lead. It isn’t always easy. Pride and our own will can be very difficult to suppress or deny. Relationships require sacrifice. Why should the wife be the one to sacrifice if necessary? Because Eve was deceived, duped, misled into eating the forbidden fruit. She was the one willing to experiment with things outside of God’s rules. Adam sinned deliberately. Thus the wife is to be under the husband’s protection and guidance. If he makes a mistake or doesn’t do it right, God holds him accountable. Now if the wife rebels and demands her own way, God will hold her accountable because she has again chosen to ignore God. She is again being deceived by her own will into doing what is wrong. It is possible to do the right thing for the wrong reason. There is never a right reason to disobey God.

          On the other hand, we live near my husband’s parents. I have the best in-laws in the world. They are a treasure to me. They are in their eighties and not as healthy as they once were. My father-in-law, Dewayne, has been an amputee for over forty years. His stump gives him a lot of pain and he has to have a new prosthesis made every few years. He is on a lot of medication and can no longer walk upright. He uses a cane or a walker even when he has his artificial leg on. My mother-in-law is much smaller than he, and she has to help him in and out of their vehicle when they have doctor appointments or if they go out to eat. She has to help him get dressed, put his leg on, etc. She sometimes suffers from vertigo, hypoglycemia, and other things. She doesn’t always feel like taking care of him. But she does it. Sometimes it wears her down, and although she may complain occasionally, she wouldn’t trade him in for anything. She has no desire to dump him. She is not in a hurry for him to die. When he has a sleepless night, so does she. She is the picture of love for him. She considers herself blessed. He is blessed to have such a faithful and loving wife. She is my role model.

What Kind Of Mother Am I?

By Aleta Kay

          Maybe you’re asking yourself this question. Maybe you’ve abandoned your child or children. Maybe you’ve had an abortion. Maybe your child or children died in a fire due to your negligence. Let me assure you: God is not condemning you. God loves you and He loves your child or children.

          I know the guilt trip and lies Satan plays out in your head: “They’re better off without you. You’re a reprobate. You’re no good. You’ll never be any good. No one loves you. No one cares.” Every single one of those statements are lies straight out of the pits of hell.

          I don’t know what you are going through. I won’t pretend I do. But I serve a God who is full of love and compassion. My God wrote in His Word: “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9.

          God does not consider you as being any worse than any other sinner (and we are ALL sinners.) Romans 3:10 says there is none righteous, no not one. We are all guilty before God. The GREAT NEWS is that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Your debt, your penalty has already been paid. You can’t earn it (no one can). It is free for all who will believe that Jesus is God the Son, that he was crucified on a cruel cross to pay for our sins, that he died, was buried and rose again on the third day. What’s more, he promised that some day he would come back and take his bride, those who have put their faith and trust in him, out of this world and to heaven, so we can live with him forever.

          God can change your life. He can give you victory over addictions. He can clean you up and make you whole. It isn’t easy. But it is possible. And if you mess up, fall back to your old ways, he is loving and patient and will help you up again as long as you are willing to let him. Romans 8:1 says there is therefore now NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. If you want more information e-mail me at themarriagementor@yahoo.com. I’ll be happy to help you and, of course, everything is confidential. You don’t even have to use your real name. Just put “blog” in the subject line so I’ll know it’s important. God bless you.

Are You An Enabler To Your Children?

By Aleta Kay

It seems there are a lot of parents today who are doing serious harm to their children. They buy their teens alcohol, drugs, (or give them the money to purchase them), support them up into their adult lives while letting them live at home. These parents don’t encourage their children to get jobs. They don’t teach them any moral values. They just coddle them. This is negative narcissism.

Every animal at some point kicks its young out of the nest and expects their young to be able to fend for themselves. We are humans. We are higher than the animals (according to God’s word and contrary to popular opinion).

Parents are responsible for teaching their children moral values, a work ethic, making sure they get an education, and preparing them for an adult life that will enable that adult child to be a PRODUCTIVE member of society. They should one day be able to marry, have a family of their own, and live by their own resources.

I realize there are some children who are born with handicaps that may preclude them from independence as an adult. That is a totally different subject. My heart goes out to those parents who have suffered the heartbreak of knowing their children will never be able to be independent. Yet, I have a great deal of admiration for them. They know how to cope with heartbreak and disappointment, and the parents I have known of such children seem to have a much greater capacity for patience, endurance, understanding and love than the average parent of children who will, one day, be able to be independent.

The parents I am talking about today are those who coddle their children and make them emotional and intellectual cripples. When you are selfish enough to keep an adult child dependent on you, regardless of the reason, you are setting them up for failure. How do you think they will survive after you die? They won’t know how to balance a checkbook, pay bills, manage their money, find and hold a job. Who would marry someone who doesn’t know how to be an adult? You are setting that child up for a miserable life after you are gone.

You need to get a life of your own, and teach your grown child to be an adult (if it isn’t too late), and cut the apron strings when he or she is able to manage. Don’t expect the rest of society to take of your adult son or daughter because you didn’t want to let go. It isn’t fair to anyone.

If you are allowing your teens to drink and/or do drugs, or are supplying the money, remember the law will hold you guilty. You are aiding and abetting. This is a felony punishable by jail time. The state can take your children and put them in foster care—regardless of their ages, as long as they are not out of high school or under the age of eighteen. You are teaching your children that it is okay for them to harm themselves. You may as well give them a gun and tell them to shoot themselves: same effect. The only difference is a gun would be faster. (I am not advocating murder or suicide here. I’m trying to make a point.)

If you are teaching your kids to be bullies, or are overlooking their anger issues, be aware that you are teaching them to be abusive adults. You are teaching them that they do not have to exercise self-control. You are teaching them that assault and battery (considered crimes by our penal code) are okay. You are teaching them that the laws of the land don’t apply to them. If they get arrested, remember you put them there by teaching them they can do whatever they want to whomever they want.

The bottom line is: are you a parent or a buddy? Do you really love your children? The Bible says a loving parent will discipline their children (Proverbs 22:6; Proverbs 19:18; and Proverbs 22:15.  I know that our laws today are against spanking. Check with your local police station and see what the law is in your area. Where I live spanking is allowed as long as you don’t leave marks or bruises. Proper spanking will not leave marks. But there are other methods of discipline. However, if you’ve never disciplined your children before it may be too late to start now. It depends on their ages and level of maturity.