Are You Mad at God?

by Aleta Kay



           Many people get mad at God when they lose a child or other loved one. This is normal. Anger is one of the five stages of grief that people usually go through. People get angry at the person who died because there are so many things left undone or unsaid, or because now is there is a great financial burden or the burden of caring for property or another person without the help of the deceased. They get angry at God for not allowing the deceased to live longer.

          The other four stages are blame, depression, withdrawal or holding back emotions from others that we love, and finally acceptance. These are all normal but not everyone goes through all of these stages. When my brothers and I lost our dad, and then our mom, we grieved because we missed them. Our dad had suffered with emphysema for many years and finally died in his sleep. We were thankful he wasn’t suffering any more. I was able to lead him to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ before he died so I know he is in heaven with the Lord.

          Our mom had a massive heart attack and three subsequent strokes. After the third stroke the only thing she could move was her eyes. The doctors told us there was no physical therapy they could do that would improve her situation. So with many tears and hugs we told our mom if it was better for her to let go, then let go. We would miss her but we would be okay. I wish I knew for sure that Mom is in heaven. She assured me she knew Jesus but I had never seen any evidence of it in her life. She was a “good” person by society standards, but as discussed in previous articles, we can never be good enough on our own for a just and holy God. The only way to get to heaven through the shed blood of Jesus on the cross.

          The point of all of this is that it is normal to be angry at God for a while. It is normal to be mad at the one who died for a while. But staying angry is a waste of emotion and energy. What does it change? It may cause you severe health problems. Proverbs tells us that bitterness is as rottenness in the bones. Unresolved bitterness and anger will cause major health problems and won’t affect the one you are angry with at all.

God wants to help you through your grief. If you’ve lost a child your spouse NEEDS you to help him or her through that grief. It needs to be shared. If you don’t know what to say just cry together. If you blame each other stop criticizing and ask yourselves what could have been done differently.

We all want to blame someone when tragedy occurs. In the end, though, God has all of our days numbered. We won’t always know why a person dies, especially a young person. Often people die because of bad choices they make: the people they hang out with, the activities they participate in. Sometimes they’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes they’re in the right place at the wrong time. God sees time as one long continuum. He doesn’t see it split up into seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years like we do. He knows the beginning from the end. He sees what’s coming down the road. Sometimes He decides our number is up in order to keep us from something worse later. But every baby, every child who has not yet developed a conscience to know right from wrong, when they die, go to heaven to be with Jesus. They are safe. And since they were God’s children before they were yours, doesn’t He have the right to decide what’s best for them? He always does what is best for us, even if we can’t see it.

Trusting God is not always easy, but it is necessary. We can’t change God. We can’t change what happened. What we can change is our attitude, the way we think about things. It may take time to get to the place of acceptance and getting past the anger. But for your health’s sake, for the sake of your remaining loved ones, and for the sake of a possible future home in heaven, please ask God to help you get over your anger. He can’t help you if you don’t let Him. He isn’t mad at you. The death of that loved one was not a punishment for you. God wants to open new doors down the road. He’s knocking at your heart’s door now. Won’t you invite Him in? He loves you.

         

I’ve Got My Ticket to Heaven

by Aleta Kay



There was a segment on the news last night showing a little boy, probably between ages seven and ten, who was asked if someone would go to heaven or hell. With a serious, stern look on his young face, the child answered that the person spoken of would go to hell. I only saw the preview for the segment, not the actual report.

          Based on the trailer for the report, it appeared the news media was highlighting people who train their children to hate. The trailer made it appear that Christians are people who hate anyone who is not a Christian. I wish I could have stayed up to see the whole report.

          This is the question: Is it an act of hatred to speak the truth? When a person sits before a judge in a courtroom he promises to tell the truth. He will be held in contempt and spend a few days in jail if he is found to be lying. When he speaks the truth does that mean he hates the person he is testifying against? No. He is simply doing what is right.

          When a doctor tells a patient he has cancer, is that doctor hating the patient? No. He is doing what is right.

          When a Christian tells a person they will go to hell if they don’t repent of their sins, they are not saying they hate that person. If the Christian is saying it properly, the person receiving the message will feel the love of God, knowing that this is a warning, a plea to please turn your life, your will, over to God so you don’t end up in a hell that was created for Satan and his angels (demons).

          I am just as upset with “Christians” who preach hate and damnation as anyone else. These people may or may not be Christians. That is not for me to decide. However, the Bible, God’s word, clearly teaches us to speak the truth in love. “God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” People who end up in hell go to hell because they reject God and His love. God takes no pleasure in passing the sentence.

          Please don’t lump all Christians together as religious fanatics who hate everyone else. Most of us are not like that, but those are the ones that get media attention. They are not doing God any favors.

          God loves you and wants to give you His very best. In fact He did, when He sent His only begotten Son (Jesus the Christ) to die on a cruel cross for your sins and mine. Christians aren’t perfect; just forgiven. Think about it; and please don’t reject Christ and His gift because of some misguided Christians.

Do the Holidays Make You Depressed?

by Aleta Kay



          The holidays are hard for a lot of people. They’ve recently lost a loved one or they are alone with little, if any, human contact. Some are in the hospital or have debilitating illnesses and they just want to give up.

          There is a widow in our church who really amazes me. Her husband died in March after over fifty years of marriage. She is still grieving and I know the nights alone are probably the worst times for her. Yet she continues to come to church. She volunteers at a food bank. She opens her home to those who have no place to go. She continually reaches out to others.

          This dear lady doesn’t brag about what she does. She doesn’t even mention it unless it comes up in conversation. She smiles a lot, even though the smile doesn’t always reach her eyes. She makes me want to reach out more, do more. She is an inspiration and doesn’t even know it.

          We all have times in our lives when circumstances beyond our control come in and attempt to overwhelm us. We are not immune to sadness, discouragement, and depression. God knew that. That’s why Jesus said, “Come unto me all you that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28, 29.

          The book of Isaiah (chapter 9) tells us that Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. He knows how you feel. He feels your pain. He wants to take your pain and give you His comfort and peace. He doesn’t promise you’ll never feel lonely, depressed or sad again. He does promise He will be with you and help you through. He promises that, if you let Him, He will ease it over time and make it easier to bear. He will teach you to smile in spite of your circumstances. He loves you.

How Long Has It Been?

by Aleta Kay



How long has it been since you prayed for your man,

To change those things that only God can?

How long has it been since you went on a date,

Instead of arguing and fretting with your mate?

How long has it been since you shared a meal,

Talking, teasing, and flirting with zeal?

How long has it been since you two held hands,

Or walked on boardwalk or beach’s sands?

How long has it been you said, “I love you—“

Was it the day you spoke the words “I do?”

If the time is so long you can’t remember,

Today is the day you need to surrender;

To take that first step to bridge the gap;

Hold fast to today; tomorrow may not come;

Seize the moment; don’t waste it as some.

Relationships are hard—take time and work;

Don’t put it off; please don’t shirk.

Take time to try to understand your mate;

See his point of view; tomorrow could be too late.

Blended Family Discipline

by Aleta Kay



          You’ve just gotten re-married. Or maybe you’ve been re-married for quite a while. You have his and hers children and one parent dare not discipline the other’s children. This is a recipe for family implosion. Every child needs two parents. (I know sometimes that’s impossible; for instance if you have been widowed.) If you marry someone it should be someone your children respect and like. If they don’t like the new “parent” or don’t respect him or her your home will be a constant battle ground.

          Here are a couple (or perhaps few) suggestions.

          1) The kids need to get to know the other parent long before the marriage takes place. They will need time to adjust. Accepting someone new in the absent parent’s place is difficult. Your children still love the absent parent.

          2) Let your children express their feelings (respectfully). Consider their feelings. Talk things out. If they have problems with the person you are going to marry, better to get those things out in the open before the marriage takes place.

          3) Treat your children as if their feelings and opinions matter. If you want them to respect you then they also need a level of respect from you. They will learn their attitudes from watching you. Contrary to media opinion, Children learn more from the people they live with than from their peers. They may be more influenced by their peers during their teen years, but you start shaping them from the time they are born.

          It is true that you cannot live your life to please your children. But if you want peace in your home, wait on the marriage until they have had time to adjust. And although living together first is the popular method of getting to know each other, think about this: how can you teach your 12 and 13 year-olds not to engage in sex if they see you doing it outside of marriage.  They do not see why it should be okay for you and not them. It is the hypocrite that says, “Don’t do as I do; do as I say.” Kids know this is wrong. Like it or not, they will model your behavior. If you want to prevent them from STD’s teach them abstinence until marriage. Model the behavior. If you have already set the wrong example, apologize to your kids and try to correct the situation.

          I know there are shots and pills and condoms to prevent disease but the Bible still holds true: “They that sow to the flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption.” Multiple sex partners pollutes the body. Today we are more concerned about the environment than we are about our own health and well-being.

What Does God Hate?

by Aleta Kay



          We see so-called Christians carrying signs on the news every day: “God hates homosexuals.” “God hates abortionists.” “God hates….” No wonder so many people shy away from God. Why would anyone want to worship or serve a God that hates them? To those of you who have been the brunt of such messages I want to apologize. God does not hate you; He hates the sin. Just as we hate having our feelings hurt; just as we hate injustice; just as we hate cruelty—God hates sin. You are not sin; you (and every person in the world) are a sinner. You can’t help it. You are born with sin and you can’t eradicate it. It is your nature. It’s why Jesus took your, and my, penalty on the cross. He was the only sinless person ever to live—because He is also God. Don’t ask me to explain it. It defies human comprehension.

          What does God hate? God hates the actions of hatred, bigotry, self-righteousness. God hates pride because pride exalts itself above others. Jesus humbled himself. He left the splendor of heaven, the riches of eternity, the joy and peace of a perfect place, to come to earth to be born to poor parents in a lowly stable (yes, He chose them) so that He might show us that He identifies with us and loves us.

          The Bible says there are six things God hates; seven are an abomination to him (seven is the number perfection or completeness): a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked imaginations, feet that are swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaks lies, and he that sows discord among the brethren. Proverbs 6:16-19. Nowhere in this passage does it say God hates the people. He hates the actions.

          So don’t be afraid to approach God. You can’t be so bad He won’t forgive you. The only sins He won’t forgive are blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (attributing God’s works to Satan) and rejection of His Son, Jesus the Christ. He’s waiting for you. He has the answers to all of your problems, hurts and fears. He’s knocking on your heart’s door waiting for you to let Him in.

The Eternal Question: Why Am I Here?

by Aleta Kay



          Throughout the ages people have asked: “Why am I here? What is my purpose?” The answer is: to have fellowship with God and to tell others about Him.

          God is an eternal spirit. He created the angels but they don’t have a choice whether or not to love God. They merely exist to do His will. But He didn’t just want a bunch of robots. So He created man (and woman). [By the way, the reason we turn to dust after a few years in the ground is because that’s what we’re made of. We really are just piles of dirt—but we are made by God and He loves us.]

          God used to walk in the garden with Adam and Eve. He talked to them. He had fellowship with them. He wanted them to remain pure and innocent, but He knew He had to give them a choice to follow Him or not. So God put the serpent (Satan) in the garden. You know the rest of the story. Eve was beguiled by someone more worldly wise than she. She in turn tempted her husband to sin. That was the fall of man.

          But it was necessary for man (and woman) to fall into sin in order for God to show the depth of His love toward us. In due time, He sent His only begotten son to die on a cruel cross for our sins. He has been trying to draw us back into that same fellowship He had with Adam in the garden.

          Every single person in the world was created by God with the express purpose of enjoying a Father/child relationship. I believe that everyone who rejects God is rejecting the most awesome kind of love anyone can imagine. I can tell you from experience that no love on earth even comes close to the love of God. Why would anyone reject it?